Do you know how much a kid will cost you?
Kids are expensive. Full stop. No matter your level of frugality, it's certainly costlier to have kids than to opt to be child-free. And yet there's a particular kind of societal pushback in the U.S. when you attempt to speak bluntly about the financial concerns of having children. The prevailing retort: "Oh, you'll figure it out." While not entirely untrue, there's a difference between feeling a new pinch in your monthly budget and finding yourself unable to afford what was previously considered comfortable.
It's neither selfish nor self-indulgent to be pragmatic about the potential cost of conceiving, birthing and raising a child. It's expensive under ideal conditions, not to mention the tens of thousands it can cost couples who are experiencing fertility struggles. It's certainly not selfish to opt out of parenthood in part because it's likely your overall quality of life would decline based on what would be affordable for you.
Prospective parents should absolutely be considering the financial ramifications of having children in the same way that current parents should measure the cost of having more.
To be clear, this isn't a manifesto about eschewing children simply because of the cost. Instead, it's an effort to normalize conversations about the full ramifications of electing to have children. It's hardly a reassuring refrain when the current estimate for a middle-class family to raise a child to 18 has
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The "we'll figure it out" style of preparation is especially worrisome amid soaring inflation and tight finances. Almost three-quarters of Americans said they would struggle to meet their financial obligations if their paychecks were delayed a week, according to the
Besides, what does "figure it out" mean exactly? Does it mean you'll work longer hours to compensate for the new costs? It seems odd to add a child to your life only to work long hours that prevent you from creating necessary bonds. Does it mean quitting a career to save money on child care? Trying to find the perfect alchemy of what is practical and mentally healthy for both parents and in the best interest of a child is a tricky combination.
Shamefully, there are no safety rails when it comes to parental leave in the U.S. The modest level of protection that exists is through the
Of course, your employer may be benevolent and provide paid maternity leave — and requirements do vary by state — but this only accounts for
A majority of the country's expectant-parent population needs to fund their own leave. A short-term disability plan, especially one provided by an employer, is another possibility for subsidizing the cost of maternity leave. But that's assuming you're even eligible. Certain segments of the self-employed population, like freelance writers, can find it a struggle to get disability insurance.
As a self-employed woman who is the primary breadwinner, it's a real smack in the face to realize it's entirely on me to fund a maternity leave. My husband's job does offer a paid paternity leave. But assuming I gave birth, it would be physically difficult to resume business as usual shortly after the trauma of delivery. It's also tricky to discuss how to handle child care and whether one person's career should temporarily, or long-term, take a back seat.
In our situation, my income is higher, albeit unpredictable, but my husband's job provides access to high-quality health care and a pension. Neither of us really has the luxury of stepping back without significant long-term consequences to our family's financial future. It's a situation that's not remotely unique.
New rules on "portability" mean that a surviving spouse can lock in her deceased partner's exclusion years after exemption levels decrease come 2026.
On top of this, about 44% of Americans say they don't have family close by, according to
All these factors are the makings of stress dreams and frantic Google searches. As a 30-something woman who understands the choice to have biological children is now officially in "ticking time bomb" status, I've spent many nights crunching numbers to decide just how financially ready my husband and I are to have children.
Ultimately, the potential outlays of $300,000 to raise a kid to 18 and then another, say, $250,000 for college are mind-bending. It can also make prospective parents (at least this one) worry that no amount of money saved will feel like enough to take the leap.
It wasn't until I came across a blog post by Eric Roberge, a certified financial planner and founder of Beyond Your Hammock, that I found some solace. Boldly titled "
Cash flow is also king when you consider that the estimated $300,000 to raise a child fluctuates over time. Daycare costs will eventually get subsidized by school, particularly if you send your child to a public school. But different phases of a child's life can come with expensive activities or medical expenses (hello, braces).
The point, though, still stands. Whether you're fixating on how much to save or your future cash flow, it's prudent to calculate the predicted costs of kids. Sure, it's near-impossible to account and plan for every potential variable, but a basic financial safety net is practical and critical.
